COVID Ruined Our Wedding Plans, And I’m Not Happy About It
Am I justifiably angry, or just another millennial complaining over “first world problems”?
I spent the entire day Friday cross-examining myself over one internal query: Am I justifiably angry, or just another millennial complaining over “first world problems”?
After all of that time spent deliberating, my emotions remain at a stalemate.
My fiancee and I made the heartbreaking decision to postpone our wedding — which was carefully scheduled for this coming April — to a date in February 2022 that otherwise has no significance to either one of us. And I’m pissed off about it.
We wanted that date for so many reasons, and now it’s gone. We both knew it was the right decision to postpone, given the uncertainty of what is to come over the next several months with the Coronavirus and the incoming vaccines, but that doesn’t make the reality of seeing the days on your wedding countdown quadruple with the click of a mouse.
On one hand, I tell myself: “I’ve waited 31 years for this . . . I can wait a little longer,” while the other hand slaps me across the face and quips: “I’ve waited 31 years for this . . . I’m tired of waiting.”
Which brings me back to my initial query: Is my anger justified, or is this one of those moments where I have to “suck it up” even though it tastes like a swig of castor oil?
We’re not the first “COVID couple” to deal with a postponed wedding, and we’re not going to be the last.
Weddings always bring some level of stress, but those stresses for soon-to-be brides and grooms in the months leading up to their big day should be seating charts and hunting down those who still have not answered their RSVPs — not whether they can even have the event without potentially infecting guests with a deadly virus.
If you know a “COVID couple” that has recently had to postpone their big day, reach out to them — but only if you genuinely care.
We don’t want to hear, “Everything will be okay,” or hear you quote scripture about how “love is patient” after all of our plans just crumbled into a thousand pieces. We especially don’t want to hear it if you’ve never planned a wedding or if you had your wedding go off exactly as you had planned.
I have known in the back of my mind since around September that we would likely have to push the date, but I grossly underestimated what it would feel like. It’s a shitty reality to deal with, and it’s okay to feel bad when shitty things happen.
If you’re recently engaged or in the process of planning your wedding, do everything you can to control the controllable. If you truly want your day to be everything you want it to be, then do whatever you can to grab as tight of a grip on the reins as possible. Take fate out of the equation.
“The important thing is that you’re getting married.”
I’m very well aware of that, but I’m also in the minority of straight men who have actually thought about their wedding day.
I may be a stubborn Aries, but it’s not lost on me that marrying this incredible woman who somehow puts up with my picky eating, corny jokes and over-competitiveness supersedes everything surrounding our nuptials. There is nothing I look forward to more than getting to spend the rest of our lives together but is it really asking too much to have just one selfish day for ourselves?
Why does the reality of just being married have to cancel out or override the anger I feel about not having our big day be the way we planned it?
Yes, there are people who want a wedding more than they want marriage, but that’s just not us. We want both. We want the heartfelt, hand-written vows, the first dance under the chandelier, and the all-night dancing; but we also want to purchase our first home, to welcome our first child, and to build a life together.
Is it really too much to want both?
“You should be thankful. Others have had it much worse.”
We know this year has been catastrophic for others, but I don’t understand why that means we cannot also feel remorse over the hand we were dealt at the same time. Why should we be “thankful” that our shitty year wasn’t as shitty as it could have been?
The argument that “others have it worse” is completely valid and can provide perspective to those who may not see the bigger picture, but it can also be used to negate anyone’s feelings about anything because someone somewhere always has it worse.
Some may say that it is tone-deaf to be complaining over a postponed wedding during a pandemic, but I also think it’s a bit callous to invalidate one’s feelings because it’s not the worst thing that could have happened to them.
It feels like getting kicked in the groin, then having someone say to you: “At least you weren’t stabbed.” While that may be true, it does not bring any comfort to being kicked in the groin.
And that’s what this entire year has felt like: One groin kick after another. So excuse me for not gleefully responding with, “Thank you!” after each kick.
